Aloof and Avoidant

Poetry: Home Sweet Home

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Home Sweet Home

They told me “Congratulations” when I got engaged and married.

“Was it the best day of your life? Aren’t you so glad to be a Wife?!”

“Finally! When will you two start a Family?”

Congrats on the new job, the house, and the degree.

For paying off all of your debt fees.

You’ve made it.

Your debt free.

And now that you’ve clawed your way to safety and security,

You can finally be happy.

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Wedding Day Selfie 6/20/2024

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Puzzled and Confusion

Is my Standard Constitution.

Is congratulations deserved if I sat here passively?

If I name how I feel it’s confined. In a bind. Pressure encroaching upon every corner of my mind.

While I’m desperate for solutions, I seek to understand, avoiding acting on impulse conclusions.

Eternally seeking Home sweet Home’s GPS location.

The definition of home remains my constant fixation.

Is this why I chose to study the science of home and family? So that I might understand it and all it’s complexities? If I analyze it enough, will it suddenly make sense to me? Will I be able to neatly fit myself in the picture like a missing puzzle piece?

Did I say yes to this in case I missed my chance? When there’s so many things and others I dream of intertwining myself within life’s big dance?

“When will you…

Change your name?”

Finish playing by the Rules of the Game?

You've still so much to do. You’re only 32.

Your Community needs You.

A Mommy to the Motherless.

A Friend to the Loneliest.

And don’t you want to have babies too?

You’re a vessel to channel and manifest other dreamers dreams.

Helping them navigate their survival schemes.

Abandoned children in need of Family Trees.

“Thanks for the help. Thanks for Listening. Thanks for the Hugs. Wait, what’s your name?”

Not married to a human but Responsibilities.

Estrangement within Entanglement.

I see obligations.

But I am the vision of perfection of your Expectations.

Your vision of what it means to be Somebody.

Somebody’s Somebody.

Is this the golden promise of Stability?

Someone told me to see marriage as a reservoir of safety.

But I feel safest when I am Solitary.

I suppose, I’ll try not to jump to conclusions.

Look upside down and sideways to transform these obligations.

And continue my search for Home’s GPS Location.

I’ll stay right here and study the complexities.

Floating in the uncomfortable waves of the sea of Intimacy.

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© The Playground by Kara Miffitt